How to Honor Your Wife--A response to Mark Driscoll

http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/
This is the link to the blog post referenced in my title. It's a wonderful blog post, please check out the entire thing. What I want to do is just respond to it as a woman who loves Jesus Christ, is engaged to be married to a Godly man, is passionate about Biblical womanhood, and is saddened by the dire state of marriage in our nation.
Before I start writing more, I'd like to apologize, if any of my 4 followers :) have logged on to see if I've written anything since my first passionate post all the way back in September--obviously I have not. School work is not a good excuse for why I've been lazy with this blog. But it's my excuse none the less. Finals are coming to an end and I fully intend to post more frequently. This topic is far too important to me and to our society to not be one of many voices proclaiming the truth of God's word. I would really appreciate any prayer for my diligence in blogging--I will also be praying about my own laziness.

Pastor Mark's blog entry started off with an explanation  and warning about the language he uses (not explicit but definitely harsh) for the subject of man's role in marriage. This is something I really appreciate about Driscoll. He is not one to shy away from truth and the often harsh reality of truth. He points out that his tone will be particularly harsh because he's dealing with men. It is known to most people that I am an anti-feminist. I know it sounds shocking and horrible and so strange coming from a California-born-and-raised-woman, and I often forget two things:
1. The men am surrounded by are exceptional and do not represent the norm
2. Men can be lazy, whiny, dependent boys or cruel, power-hungry, dictators in their homes and these two extremes give feminists plenty of reason to call for a different order to things. I cannot blame them. I too want a different order to things and that is why I write this blog. So I have some understanding and some sympathy for feminist and their plight. I understand that men have abused their role and twisted it into something it was not intended for. I totally, 100% get that. But where feminist want to twist it into a world full of woman leading households and companies and nations--I want to untwist it so that it reflects God's original, perfect design before sin entered the world.
I am 100% pro-Biblical Manhood and Womanhood--and manhood is what Driscoll covers in his blog. I think it's important to start there--to see what Biblical Manhood is supposed to look like because men are given the duty to lead in their homes. With out men leading in Biblical Manhood, how can woman fulfill the role of Biblical Womanhood? I suppose it's possible but it's definitely not easy.

He begins with the very "controversial" verse that makes feminist blood boil all over the world. The verse is 1 Peter 3:7:
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayer may not be hindered.”

Of course the source of anger comes from 5 words, "woman as the weaker vessel." This verse never bothered me A.D. (A.D. meaning after death--that is, the death of my old self when Christ saved me) but I'm sure it bothered me B.C. (i.e. before Christ in my life) if I had even bothered to pay any attention to 1 Peter in my pretend-Christian years from 0-18. But I think it's just very logical. That's what Driscoll also points out. Perhaps it's just that all 5'3" of me realizes that the vast majority of men would have no problem beating me in an arm wrestling match. Maybe that's why I like it when Driscoll mocks the idea that a man would let his wife take on an intruder in their home saying that she's the tougher one. I don't want to be the one in charge of that! And I cannot imagine that any woman would really rather take on that role unless it was because her husband did not show enough leadership and strength in other areas of their marriage to demonstrate that he is the right spouse for the job. That just doesn't happen unless there's a break down somewhere else.

Anyway, back to Driscoll, he makes an interesting point in his introduction. Here's what he says:
 "If a woman marries a man, she’s trusting him with the rest of her life that he won’t hit her, cheat on her, that he’ll work hard, that he’ll pay the bills, that he’ll love their children, that he’ll finish the race well, that he’ll walk with Jesus ‘til the end, that if she gets sick, he’ll look after her, that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man."

I never really thought of things along those lines, but he makes a great point. I always focus on how incredible marriage is because it's two sinners making a covenant to each other. But I can see how the female perspective requires a little more trust. I am the weaker sex. By God's grace I could totally take care of myself if need be, but we are physically smaller and more vulnerable than men. And once I have kids, I don't want to work two full-time jobs (mom and whatever pays the bills). Those are two things that stick out to me about Driscoll's statement. There is a lot of trust required. Of course, that is why I trust a good and Holy God to lead my decisions and my husband.

The statement Driscoll makes is a great one to lead into the body of his blog because it really gets men and woman thinking. For men they should ask, "am I truly being a Biblical man?" and for women we should ask, "am I truly marrying (or looking for, or married to) a Biblical man?" And Driscoll will continue to reveal the ways in which a husband honors his wife, thereby making him a Biblical man.

1.Honor your wife maritally
The first thing that sticks out to me about this section is how he explains that when a man does something wrong (especially while you're dating, which is when he's presumably on his best behavior) being sorry isn't enough--being Christ-like is. That is a pretty difficult standard to hold up to a man and say, "this is what I expect of you," but that's what God says, so we've got to say it too. It comes from Ephesians 5:25 (right after the "dreaded" submit your your husbands verse that I love so much) "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." So while we're complaining about submitting, remember what comes next--husbands are commanded to be Christ-like. To love us like Christ loved the church. Do you remember what Christ did for His church? He was brutally hung on a cross. So that she would be saved. And in my personal opinion, it's not very difficult to submit to a man who is willing to do that. Often times as women our first mistake is marrying a man who has no idea what it means to be a Biblical man, he's never given much thought to Ephesians 5:22-33, and we're wondering "why God would create such a horrible command?" We need to shoulder that blame, own up to it, and stuck it up, and be Biblical women. More on submission later--it's actually an awesome topic that's been distorted by our sin.

Here's another gem from Driscoll's blog:

When you get married, men, you are to be a one-woman man. That’s the requirement of an elder and that is the example for all men.

You’re not the flirt guy.
You’re not the female buddies guy.
You’re not the download porn guy.
You’re not the “I got another gal on the side I always keep in case of emergency” guy.
You’re not the wandering eye guy.

That's awesome! How many articles can you find in magazines like cosmo that try to teach you how to prevent your guy from being that guy?! A ton! But guess what!? Look in the Word of God! That's the best instruction manual. Find a really solid Bible teaching church and that's what they'll be instructing the men to do. You can't do it yourself. It's got to come from him and his relationship with God. These are our desires, our true, inherent desires, but we're looking to satisfy them in the wrong places. The world cannot offer us this satisfaction. Only God can. 

2. Honor her physically 
I already covered this earlier when I mentioned the verse from 1 Peter 3:7...but Driscoll just goes to town with it and I can't do it justice. Here's the link again http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2010/12/14/how-to-honor-your-wife/ it's really worth reading.

It looks like this will be a multi-part post. I just write too much. Thanks for stickin' with me. I'll post on the rest of the article soon.